A Day in the Life of a Modern Ninja
by Kyzer IX
Summary: An office job? For the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki? Yeah, that might get to you after a few years. Luckily, our protagonist is greeted with the perfect scumbag to help lift his spirits! Also, who is Naruto's girlfriend...? Single release short story I wrote today for fun. Swearing and mild suggestive themes.


**A Day in the Life of a Modern Ninja**

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 **Modern Day, 6:00AM; Konoha**

Like being rescued from drowning under a nocturnal ocean, I awoke from my slumber to a piercing sound. The cacophonous din emanated from my alarm clock, forcing me to rise and ready myself for another day.

Rubbing my face, my girlfriend shifted beside me under the blankets. Patting her belly softly, I drearily stumbled into the bathroom.

Tiredly glazing through my standard routine, I completed the default checklist: shower, brush teeth, get dressed. No breakfast, breakfast was for the weak. Sometimes…

My stomach growled angrily, but I ignored it as I snatched my suitcase and whispered goodbye to the woman lying nude in my bedroom.

The early morning sky was soothing as I squinted past the luminous horizon of cloudy pinks and oranges. I stared at the rising sun in thought.

The trek ahead reminded me of my youth. Back in the day I would sprint for miles without stopping, just to get to some random and most likely life-threatening mission. The world itself used to revolve around war, and chakra, and power. Now it only revolves around business, money, and how much of both one can achieve.

Shaking my head, I began my walk to work. I wore a red tie today. Crimson rather, like the way my old friend, er, old acquaintance's eyes used to get. My trousers and jacket were black, maybe like the tomoe of a sharingan. I didn't plan it that way, I just like red.

I got to work a little early, but I started anyway. Compared to my shinobi life before, I might as well not exist now. My job is pretty hoity-toity since I'm a manager over a bunch of data managers. Something that is supposedly "revered", but nothing truly is. Not anymore.

Besides, this is something that boring Nara kid should be doing. Except he can't since he's turned out to be the President of this company that has enveloped my village. Never thought the lazy guy would be able to run a company, but now he does so at almost no expenditure of energy. Good for him.

"Konoha Incorporated" it's been called. Lame and unoriginal if you ask me. But no one does. I doubt Shikamaru came up with the title, but it wouldn't surprise me if he happened to.

Fact is, I hate my life now. Yeah, the world is no longer killing itself, whatever. But it feels like no one has purpose anymore – like we're all just wading through the placid waters of life with no current nor waves to guide or push us.

It's fucking boring.

Lately my greatest satisfaction has either been reminiscing with some old jonin buddies of mine or giving it to my girlfriend like the apocalypse was about to descend… again.

Both were deeply satisfying. Absolutely wonderful times. But did they fulfill me? No, not entirely. They both left me yearning. But when all you have only makes you crave, what's the point? It becomes impossible to be content. I have noticed the abyss in my heart.

I feel like I should be fighting. There used to be a league for this, too. A ninja-association where people would sign up and do competitive battle for sport.

But then the screenings couldn't weed out the crazies, and people started getting killed. The new public eye did not approve, and the governments of the United Nations quickly shut the operation down. Right as I had enough ryos saved up to enter!

I am the fucking jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, goddamnit! I could wipe these cities off the face of the earth on my lunch break!

But I'm no villain, am I? I'm not evil. I'm not even good anymore. I'm simply another cog in the machine of capitalism.

I could feel the existential dread crushing me. An issue which was alien to me, since there was no place for such selfish thoughts in the days of fake-Madara, undead-Madara and real Madara. Not to mention the lady who created chakra and shit. Godlike adversaries that I have defeated summed up to notches in a belt that I can no longer wear.

Lunchtime snapped me out of my stupor, and I realized that despite my early arrival, I had fallen behind while sunk in my nostalgia. My stomach scolded me profusely, and I made my way down the towering office building.

I went to the local ramen shop down in the village. A quaint place that has barely managed to scrape by under the oppressive food chains that now sprinkled Konoha. I stepped through the curtains and was greeted with a woman who lit up at my presence, as I'm sure I was one of the reasons, or maybe the sole reason, her father's business has survived.

"Ahh, Naruto-kun!" the aging brunette beamed, quickly approaching me. The look in her eye might have possibly held more than a few ounces of lust. "Will you be having the usual, hm?"

"Yeah, might as well," I sighed lamely, knowing I wasn't about to be adventurous. "Everything else has always been good, but I'm sticking to my routine for now. How has your day been?"

"Hehe, I understand. It's be-"

"Who cares how your day's been, just shut up and take my order," came a surly voice from a stranger who entered the small shop egotistically, leaning roughly against a stool to my left. "Give me your biggest bowl of beef ramen, but leave out any of those ugly white things with the swirls on 'em. They're disgusting."

For a moment, Ayame just stared at the delinquent in repugnance before snapping into her server-mode. "Coming right up, sir."

I looked at the asshole near me. Not only was he the worst kind of customer, but he also insulted my name-sake. Those cute little white stars with swirls of pink were congruent to my name; Naruto.

That being a minor issue, the patron caught wind of my judgement and turned his toxicity unto me. "What the fuck are you lookin' at, blondie?"

"An asshole," I stated brusquely. No truth was about to be sugarcoated for this useless civilian.

"What was that?" the stranger questioned again, this time rising to his feet. He was a burly figure who wore something out of the ninja days with a ragged dark grey scarf-like robe atop his shoulders and a blue undershirt covered by segmented white armor. His hands were wrapped in white bandages aside from his thumbs, index and middle fingers.

His skin was slightly paler than mine, and his eyes were yellowish. He had a square jaw with rounded, almost feral features. His hair was long, jagged, and silver, pinned up with a few shorter pieces hanging into his vision. His age was questionable, but he could have been younger than me. "You wanna run that by me again, little man?"

I shrugged, leaning my whiskered cheek against the palm of my hand as I stared at the shop's television. "Not really. Can you shut up?"

The brute did not appreciate my honesty apparently, as he unsheathed a short blade from his cloaked lower back. "I don't like your attitude, kid. Step outside, let's take care of this elsewhere so this bitch can make my food."

I shook my head with a lame visage of nonchalant disagreement, not sparing the guy a second glance. "No thanks."

I made a waving gesture indicative of "be gone." His eye twitched.

"Come on pussy, what are you afraid of? Scared your little girlfriend here will see you get your ass beat?" the man goaded dangerously. He lifted the black weapon to point at me as his free hand gestured toward my favorite Ichiraku chef. "Don't worry, I'll tear into her ass too once I'm done kicking yours."

His threat on Ayame struck a cord and I twisted to him as my vision shifted to a beloved tint: **RED**.

My speed was incalculable as a right hook connected with his left temple, hurtling the scumbag out of my favorite dining establishment. The shockwave of my strike scattered all dispensers and silverware lain about the counter, cinematically blowing Ayame's hair out of its bandanaed-bun.

Pushing past the curtains, I watched as his limp form continued to crash through another building before grinding to a halt in the woody rubble.

I suddenly found myself grinning from ear to ear. My blood yearned for battle and I could feel my chakra begin to heat throughout my body. The exhilaration seeped from my aura as civilians looked around in astonished confusion.

Rising from the dust a small distance away, the ravel rouser locked two angry eyes onto me. I could sense a deep pool of energy within him, and my zeal for combat tripled.

The small sword he brandished began to crackle as electricity scratched and whipped around it. He _was_ a ninja. I was stupid with giddy euphoria.

Tearing my jacket off, I jumped out of my shoes just before the scoundrel raced toward me with a howl. I was so excited I almost let him hit me. However, my muscle memory got the better of my senses, forcing a graceful lean out of harm's way.

I was definitely out of practice, but this moron didn't know who he was fucking with. Unable to recover from his failed attack quickly enough, I punched him in the back of the head for fun.

Jerking back toward me in fury, he slashed a mighty electrical cut through the air. Unfortunately, I had leapt far away to allow more room for our fight. The dodge was accidental.

He growled like a wild animal and I realized it was possible my unyielding smirk may have pissed him off further. I didn't care though. Finally, he abandoned the hopeless weapon and came at me with raised fists.

He threw impressive punches; a blur of jabs and crosses covering his setup for a sneaky high-kick. I blocked his advances with alternations of my open palms. Finally observing the kick I had predicted, my prevailing hand caught the man's ankle. With a casual motion of my straightened fingers, I used wind chakra to saw through his shinbone and lower calf muscle.

A spray of hot scarlet accompanied his scream of agony before I tossed him aside with a simple gesture. He fell to the ground in meek turmoil as his severed leg landed with a plopping thud in the dirt road.

To my surprise, he hastily made a series of hand signs before his procedure replaced the missing appendage with water; essentially creating a liquid prosthetic that was perfectly identical to the original in shape.

Distracted by this new ability, he made use of the moment and swept both feet from under me, maniacally stabbing a kunai into my naval. Kicking his face in surprise, I got up and removed the weapon from my gut before I threw it back at him. The projectile caught my adversary behind his "bad" knee as he retreated to a better angle.

Yelping as he tumbled, the ninja quickly got up and turned to me. His features were contorted in a snarl, but I was still smiling like a lunatic. A small audience had gathered, which I failed to consciously notice or consider.

Throwing a spray of shuriken, my opponent disappeared in a distortion of the air he formerly occupied. The only thing left was the kunai he used on me upon which I had courteously returned.

Appearing behind me as I deflected his weapons, he tried to stab my spine before I rotated and rammed a ravenous rasengan into his ribcage. My jutsu ferociously ground and ripped his bones, tearing a hole into the thug's chest.

The force of my jutsu catapulted the jackass into the sky and several blocks away. This required me to sprint along the shopping district's rooftops to catch up to him, for I wasn't yet finished.

I arrived at the craterous scene of his impact but witnessed no sign of his whereabouts. Narrowing my eyes, I scanned the dust cloud for a violent figure before two hands erupted from below and dragged me into the building I had once stood atop of.

Instinctively, I twirled about in our freefall, releasing my legs from his grip before several shuriken bit into my hip. Landing in a low posture, I allowed Kurama's chakra to ignite me; illuminating the dim storage attic I was pulled into.

I anticipated a look of horror to contort his features at my behemoth power, but I was instead met with an eagle formed from white lightning. I evaded the animated technique that tore the roof from the building but was caught by a fierce uppercut by the unfazed ninja.

Flung into the air, I accidentally bit the tip of my tongue off due to the rising blow. Stabilizing my ascent, I used shunshin to throw myself down at my opponent. I corkscrewed, releasing a spinning kick that connected with his blocking forearms, loudly breaking his left radius and ulna.

Allowing no time for his bullshit water reformation technique, I spit blood from my mouth and commenced a flurry of punches. He fought with one arm for a moment before I overwhelmed him, connecting a hard cross to his face which slammed him through the floor of the now roofless building.

Crashing into a pile of desks and civilians, I leapt down, holding my ankles as I dropped and crushed his pelvis with my knees. Grabbing him by his original leg, I used both of my chakra enflamed arms to toss his ragged body up and out of the two-story building.

I appeared above my foe in a haze, landing another rasengan in his lower back, plummeting him into the street. I landed beside the broken man, holding my father's original ninjutsu in both hands before raising them above my head. The swirling blueish orbs collided in a harsh energetic grating sound before combining into an odama-rasengan.

Instantaneously, dual bursts of smoke produced two additional copies of me. Both clones each wielded their own massive odama-rasengan. In a ferocious exclamation, the three of us dropped our jutsu down on the poor sap.

Blood and flesh spurted in swirls from the impact of my attacks. Splintered heaps of bone and chunks of organs were flung onto buildings and tabletops. My bunshin vanished, leaving me alone – soaked heavily in the liquids of my enemy.

"…Hahah what, got nothin' to say?!" the masked man harassed as my cosmos collapsed in on itself. I blinked, staring into his yellow eyes as Ayame quietly cooked to my right. "Come on!"

I was back in reality.

Without hesitating, I realized my daydream. Striking with a lightning fast right hook, the man was flung to my left, through the curtains and onto the street where he laid still; bleeding from the now-exposed mouth as his face began to swell.

Turning my attention back to the television, Miss Ichiraku just stared at me for a moment before inquiring, "Would you like his order too, Naruto-kun? It'll be on the house, of course."

"Yeah, I'll take it. I'd never want to waste your cooking, Ayame-chan," I replied soothingly, happily refreshed from decking the moronic customer.

Once the woman graced my eyes with two large bowls of ramen, I greedily consumed the delicious meals. Paying for mine and the hospitalized "ninja's" meal as well, I tipped the kind lady and sauntered back to work.

The day eased away as I kept my team on track and actually made enough progress to set myself ahead of tomorrow's workload.

Evening came, and I sprinted home instead of walking. It was an odd sight for sure, since I was dressed so neatly as I dashed over the village, but I didn't mind.

I came home to find my lady preparing dinner after doing some laundry, and for some reason this sent my heavenly mood skyrocketing. She was surprised as I kissed her and slapped her butt playfully.

Pushing me away so she could finish preparing our supper, I undressed and tidied up my bedroom before I was summoned to the couch.

"Let's eat at the table and talk, babe!" I suggested softly. This peaked her curiosity and she smiled as we relocated.

She asked about my day and I briefly went over my daydream about the asshole patron at Ichiraku's. I summed it up quickly though, excitedly asking how she was doing with her projects. I sat there and ate slowly, listening intently to what her beautiful voice had to say. She spoke with hand movements, and I had to occasionally remind her to eat. Her passion set me at ease.

In some bizarre sense, I truly felt at peace once I socked that rapey asshole in the head. Maybe it was the justice in it, or the physical aspect, who knows. It felt good and it certainly made my Tuesday.

I held tightly to this warm feeling as my girl eventually brought her topic to a close. I smiled and agreed to help her with what she had requested in her dialogue.

A comfortable silence enveloped us, and she inquired upon my thoughts. She read straight through me, recognizing my face of distant remembrance. But she also noticed a different tone in my visage and acknowledged my feelings of fulfillment.

We cleared the table as I answered her, telling her I felt like I was underused and that I felt my strength needed to be flexed. To my joy, she suggested that we begin a sparring routine to help cut the edge off. I stared at her in ecstatic shock as she nodded in further confirmation. I was so pleased that I kissed her intimately once.

Then twice. Then a dozen times before I found myself being shoved onto my bed; quite powerfully, as the legs of its frame instantly collapsed. I stared at her as she mounted me, and we bothered my neighbors like never before.

The future seemed promising and I had hope for happiness. Tomorrow would no longer be just another day.

Maybe I have one giant asshat to thank for it.

 **The End**

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 **-Kyzer-**


End file.
